Interview with Andy Ransome, 17th September 2035. By Sangita Ifors
SI “Mr Ransome, thank you for agreeing to this interview.”
AR “Ms Ifors, you’re welcome. Can we drop this Mr / Ms stuff before it gets boring?”
SI “Sure. Andy?”
AR “That’ll do. Can we make this quick, we’ve got Sara’s lads visiting, and I want to take them to the football?”
SI “Yes, have you seen the list of questions?”
AR “Yeah, cheers for sending them, it saves time. OK, here goes. Interrupt if I say something vaguely interesting.
Q1) What did you think of Mark and John when you all first met? A1) I thought they were fascinating, genuine terraced house working class lads with a lot of talent. The first time I saw them, I thought ‘That’s my band, right there.’
SI “Interrupting … Your band?
AR “Yeah. My band, Mark’s Pack. That’s how it works. The Ransomed Hearts, you know? Mark got guitar, John got vocals, Xan didn’t want anything but percussion, and I got left with bass, so I made a point that it was my band. Nobody objected.” OK, Q2. Why was the band called the Ransomed Hearts? A2 I just answered that one. Q3 When did you realised that there was something different about the Preston boys? A3 The minute I first saw them, to be honest. What did you really mean Sangita?
SI “Umm, when did you suspect that they had a secret?
AR “Straight away, pretty much, but at first I reckoned they were fucking and too tightly wound to admit it. Then I realised they weren’t, but it was several years before me and Xan found out that they were werewolves.” Q4 Did finding out that Mark and John were shapeshifters change your relationship with them? A4 Are you fucking kidding me? What do you think?
SI “Bad question.”
AR “Very bad question, you can do a lot better than that, I know you can, I read your interview with Jon Bon Jovi, you had him eating out of your hand. This is just annoying me, to be honest. Look. You’ve got stuff from my mates, and I really want to be spending time with my wife and grandsons, come up with a great question or I’m leaving.
SI “Mr Ransome, why do you still do interviews?”
AR “OK, you got me. Because I love to show off. Still. Especially to pretty women with sexy accents. Oh, and it gives me a chance to tell people to buy everything Pluto’s Sisters put out, go see them tour, and get on their website and buy lots of glorious merch. Do it now, people, Ransome is right on this.
SI Another question?
AR Are we off piste now? Go on, keep me interested.
SI What feels better, killing someone or being on stage?
SI Sorry, I’ll delete that.
AR No. Depends on who I killed, depends on the stage. And I’m not being flippant. Some deaths made me sick, I had to do it to save my family. Some were satisfying, going up against someone with more experience than me, going up against a trained soldier, who had killed innocents … now that felt good, putting them out of everyone’s misery. Of course, that’s all in the past … those grandsons I mentioned, they’re also the grandsons of the man who sent his soldiers to kill me, time and again. The past is past, love conquers all, and all that crap. And some stages are horrible. V 2014 … look it up. Nightmare.
SI Do you mind if I use that?
AR No. I’m an old man, I don’t have secrets.
SI You’re smiling …
AR, I’m thinking … war, rock and roll, both get the blood going, but at my age there’s nothing quite like making a good business decision to get a spurt of adrenaline like nothing else. And that, my dear, is the end of my reputation.
SI I doubt it.
AR So do I, sadly. Donna won’t let you use most of that, you know?
SI I know. Andy, it’s been a pleasure.
AR “It has. Now, are you interested in an exclusive with Pluto’s Sisters …